You lift my legs up and we move a few paces. The image of how we must look appears in my head as my hands sink into the grass beneath them and then you tell me that you can see straight up my dress and we begin to laugh. I try to free myself but you refuse to let go of my legs and then I deliberately fall into a heap. The struggle has aroused me to a new level, one of which there’s no coming back from. “Damn you.” I say as I brush away the blades of grass that have stuck to various parts of me, I look at you and pretend not to notice the bulge that shows me I’m not alone with this urgency. I sit back down and you join me and pour us both a drink. “Cheers” I say as I take a large sip and manoeuvre myself so my legs are wrapped around the space around you. I press the front of my dress down between my thighs a give you my filthiest most sincere “I want you” look. You lean forwards and kiss me so softly on my mouth and I wonder where you get your restraint from but actually it’s a. 5. My ears are NOT handles.6. Extension to rule#5- do not push on the top of my head, do you really WANTpuke on your dick?7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get' it is NEVER OK to fart.8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just cos YOU can't have sex right now.9. Extension to #8- "Blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if your that desperate, go wank off.10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good..
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